I CAN’T BELIEVE
I can’t believe that at the age of 57 I am STILL processing childhood trauma. That I am still going into the horrors of my childhood with my therapist. Feeling & Integrating: PAIN.
I started my healing journey at 18 and I’ve never stopped.
But if you had told me I would still be doing the work 39 years later, I would have called you naive or a liar. I would have arrogantly proven you wrong.
And yet, here I am, still feeling the grief.
I AM SORRY TO SAY
That is takes much longer to heal than I ever thought it would. I think being in a childhood home of terror, sexual overtones between parent and child, extreme neglect (having braces for 9 years because nobody took me to the orthodontist), that all of this creates a massive pool of trauma that lives in the body.
How long does it take to heal 18 years of constant trauma? Of living in it every day.
Perhaps a lifetime.
This makes me deeply sad. 😢
AND YET…
I can say that my life is better than it’s ever been, that I’m living a dream life in many ways. That I’m thrilled with my business success and all I’ve overcome. That I even experienced a beautiful love.
So the work paid off
But the level of pain and the length of time to feel, process & heal it are so much LONGER than I ever would have thought. I wish someone would have told me how long it would take, but perhaps it’s better I didn’t know…
What say you?
Do you grok what I am speaking to?
Please comment or share below if this strikes a cord for you. Let’s normalize the truth of the healing process
Much Love, Jack
Jack, you are so right. It is a long process and it takes courage to talk about and feel those emotions that come through. But once it is done and I am on the other side of it, I feel empowered and free from those chains. You think you are done but here comes another layer that was never exposed or seen and that is where we choose. Forgive, let go and move on and love or live in fear. That’s our free will in action. Thank you for going through all that you went through to get you to this Healing Practice. You bring healing to us and our wounds and on a soul level this was part of your purpose. You continue to touch so many lives and bring awareness and healing.
Thanks for sharing Maria. Yeah, the Masters talk about viewing life as a process, not as a goal. TBH, this has never been my strength.
I also speculate that my Soul loves the process, it is my mind that wants to cross the finish line.
Glad to be on the journey with you!!
I grok you!
Particularly with the quote at the top ‘…they get traumatised because they are alone with the hurt’
To feel so deeply hurt by something but to have to come to grips with the fact that the other people involved in the trauma are not at the level of consciousness to know the pain caused by their actions or words, or to be able to empathise with you and most probably won’t be in this lifetime.
There are so many of us (I believe) who have come here to process this trauma for our lineage, who say ‘this stops with me’ who are pushing against an incredible tide of trauma unconsciously and unknowingly passed from one generation, one person to the next.
We’re here to ‘earth it’, to stop the unconscious flow, to understand its origins, bring light and transmute it. It is incredibly painful work and there are just so many layers to it.
I see and acknowledge your pain and your trauma Jack, I back you and I respect you in all that you are doing to heal yourself and the collective. There is so much coming up to be healed right now, for everyone and the space you hold for that to happen is so open, non-judgemental and caring on a deep level. Thankyou for all that you do. Your work Matters ❤️
Thank you Anna, sweet to read. Appreciate the postive reflections for me.
Agree with what you have written here. About us coming to process our personal trauma, the lineage trauma and more. Wayshowers.
And yes, that is a GREAT Gabor Mate quote. Everyone experiences pain, when the pain turms to “trauma” is when we can’t process it and this is from a lack of support. Otherwise I think it is possible to process everything.
I grok you! There’s an idea that you heal everything and you’re somehow finished or complete! I think this idea that we ‘get over’ massive childhood trauma is untrue. I don’t think you can ever truly heal from things you were made to endure when you were defenseless. You grow with the healing of it, you reshape yourself, as you truly are formed in fire. The greatest healers, thinkers and teachers have used their lives and paths to healing as an example, as a pathway to enlightenment for others to follow. I see the path to healing and expansion as one that never truly ends. It IS your specific brand and flavour of magic, you add to the collective. For many who’ve chosen Family Constellation as our tool, as we evolve, so we assist those further down the line. There is always some new growth and understanding to be gained as we constantly reshape and re- form ourselves adjusting our sails as life keeps happening to, and through us,as we continue on. The path of a healer is never complete.
Agreed Hayley, and a part of me resists this. The part that wants to be finished. Ego for sure.
And we perhaps never finish, what a great truth. Hard to swollow this one for me for some reason. And I’ve been dealing with this my entire life, so part of my personal journey.
And I do agree – Some of us came here as the healers, we take on the childhood pain and heal/resolve it. Much of it, all of it, I don’t know. BUT I do know that what we resolve become our GIFTS, our offering to the world. And that without the wounds we don’t get our GIFTS.
And I would not trade that in.
i completely agree with you Jack! I began my journey at 25 and I’m a proud 63 today and the number 63 is more meaningless to me today than ever; why? because i am more aligned, clear and coherent with who I am than ever and I agree it just keeps getting better!
i’m forever grateful to my somatic therapist who was as tenacious as i was avoidant and attempted to distract her with humor anytime we got too close to emotions that i did not want to feel, and i was good at it, and she was good at being tenacious.
eventually i learned how to stay with my emotions and i will be forever grateful for eternity that i learned how to stay with my emotions until they transmuted leaving me with more love and joy, every time.
Love this, seems like I am reading a mirror. Yes, I respect and appreciate my therapist for sure. Supports me no matter what. And she has a strength to push against my BS
Love your reflection about staying with your emotions. SO PROFOUND.
And yes to it getting better and better. A blessing!!
Yeah Jack it takes forever but you can become a source of wisdom for others and that seems to help. I hear it is nicer on the other side though.
Yes, I think this is true for all who come in as healer types. That everything we heal becomes a gift we have to share with others. That it took the wounds to polish the gifts
OMG Jack. This could be my daily mantra–how is it that I’m still doing this?? I’ve done more work than all the people I’ve ever known combined! But in this last year, when all else has failed me, I’ve finally begun to write and to take myself seriously as a writer. So what I glean from this is that the unending nature of our healing journeys gets us on our path and keeps us there. This is the will of heaven at work, whether our egos like it or not. I think your success as a constellation facilitator speaks to this. Hopefully I will enjoy some modicum of similar success in my writing. At any rate, it’s what the Universe asks of me 😉
lots of love to you and the tribe.
Tru`
Yep, and then if we look at the idea that we are clearning past life trauma, ancestral trauma and childhood trauma, we can see why there is so much of it. Most times I have compassion, but sometimes I do not. And yes, my work is informed by my healing journey for sure.
I want to write more also, it’s why I’ve been posting here more recently. There is something in writing that touches a creative side in me. Touches my Soul
I grok!
although I had to look that word up. I can slip into bitterness and resentment. Leading to anxiety and depression. Leading to remembering and healing. And forgetting again and losing trust./faith/grace and around and around around the ragged rascal ran
haha – Oh man, what a journey we are on!! What a ride.
Absolutely Yes! It takes ages to heal while no one truly knows if they ever will. What is behind me are healing mirackes that are already a history, what is before me is the hoplessness and desperation of my tramas. Yet, for me this is the only way to go….
Agreed, I have a feeling I would not trade the struggle in, even if I could. I want to bring my gifts to the world and this was the cost. My childhood and all it entailed.