Working With Trauma
Jack Presents – The Basics of Understanding Trauma
I strongly recommend books by Peter Levine and Bessel Van Der Kolk’s The Body Keeps The Score (70,000 Amazon reviews – 4.8 stars)
Representative Led vs. Facilitator Led Constellations
I want to talk about Facilitator Led Constellations vs. Representative Led Constellations.
The BIGGEST complaint about Family Constellation work – “The facilitator has an agenda.”
You all know it and you’ve probably all seen/experienced it, you’re representing someone, perhaps the “mother” and the facilitator says “bow to your husband” and inside you’re seething. He is an “asshole” you think, but you bow and do what the facilitator says, all while thinking and feeling – “fuck you” to your husbands rep.
This is the problem of facilitator projection and you get into this tangle when you DO NOT check in with your reps.
There are a variety of reasons why facilitators do this. I’ve seen it in our group too. If there is one thing I want you all watch me do when I facilitate, it is watch me check in MULTIPLE times. This makes Constellations safer and MUCH BETTER for your clients.
This is the very first main concept I teach to my students. It is this important.
Here are 2 videos I’ve recorded on this topic. I would love for you to check them out and let me know what you think.
Healing Statements & Language of the Soul
Facilitating Step By Step
Leading a Family Constellation can be terrifying for a beginner. One of the BIGGEST fears is of becoming lost or OVERWHELMED. I have found the way to cure this, or work past it is – step by step.
Imagine EVERYTHING you must do if you want to build your dream home: The wood for the walls, concrete for the floors, the roofing, the design of the fireplace, every bathroom fixture, the sizing of the kitchen and dining room, it will overwhelm all but the best trained.
But if you break this process down to simple steps, even the most arduous task is accomplished. I simply need to get the measurements of the rooms…
Another example is grad school. If I told you you would have to write 5000 pages of papers, you might blanch and pass out. But if I simply shared, for your first course, in the first month you would have to write 15 pages, the goal is now attainable.
The same for Family Constellations
To see a Constellation and all the pieces that are going to be involved, to understand them and know where they will lead, to see and experience all this information at once, is too much! The mind can only handle so much.
The best way to lead a Constellation is simply – One step at a time.
You set up a representative for mom and dad and you simply wait for the one next move. After a few minutes mom looks at the floor and so you bring in a rep for what mom is looking at. Then wait for the next thing to happen. If you are not sure after a few minutes, then you try an experiment and see/feel what impact it has on the Field. It is this simple.
It is not about looking at the complete picture or how you are ever going to get to the goal. It is simply being present in the moment to one next step.
I feel Dan Cohen is a great facilitator in this regard. His pacing, trust of his intuition and simply taking one next step. I offer this video as a demonstration of this in action.