Codependents Struggle With Relationships
~ Mainly because they lose themselves in them.
~ They choose wounded people and try to save them
~ It’s super hard for them to speak their truth
~ Many times they don’t even know their truth (Their needs, desires & wants)
~ Setting boundaries terrifies them
~ They avoid conflict like cats avoid water
~ They’re terrified to ask for their needs to be met
~ And they have deep, wound-based impulses to control people & situations
All of these are directly related to childhood trauma & the wounds they faced early on.
IMO those with codependent patterns all had very similar childhood experiences. They had to give up who they were (and their needs) and meet the needs of others. They learned to morph into other peoples worlds and in doing so they had to betray their authentic selves.
This was their childhood survival mechanism and VERY intelligent as a child. Unfortunately these survival strategies DO NOT work well in adult relationships.
Healing Codependent Patterns – Is simple – IT’S NOT EASY.
Here’s What Must Happen To Heal!
Codependents have to discover who they are, then ACT & SPEAK in accordance to this truth.
Simple – not easy. Why?
That’s because acting and speaking in accordance with your truth touches the childhood terror (Think trauma). Setting boundaries, speaking truth, asking for ones needs to get met, etc. all of these feel like life and death actions to the young child who lives deep within you. This is the suppressed childhood emotional pain that must be INTEGRATED.
You must speak your truth, set your boundaries, face conflict, etc, all while feeling your terror. (Recognizing that this is not the terror of your adult self, but your 5 year old self). And you must do this over and over again. Every time you face your childhood terror by being your AUTHENTIC self and STILL MOVE FORWARD, this heals & repatterns a tiny bit of the childhood terror/trauma/pain.
I Wish It Were Easier, but it is not. It takes successful repetition, time and forward movement.
I have a Healing Codependency group that supports people in healing these patterns. We meet weekly on Tuesday nights in Boulder, CO. Contact me if you are curious.
Read more on healing codependency