Codependency Group: Healing Self Betrayal
Codependency is ultimately a betrayal of self. For some reason it was not safe to fully be yourself in your childhood home. You did the smart thing and you adapted. You put your own needs on the back burner and morphed yourself to meet the needs of others.
This was an intelligent decision by the younger you, to best ensure your safety and survival needs would be met. Meeting the needs of others was a great way to do this.
However, these childhood survival patterns do not serve us well in adult relationships.
the codependency group**
Keys To Healing Codependency
A codependency group is a great setting to heal the patterns (wounds) of codependency. Codependent patterns started in a relationship, usually with the primary caregivers. Healing these patterns takes time, a safe space and repeated practice.
A key is practicing with real people. You must learn who you are, speak your truth, sit with the uncomfortable sensations that arise and do this over and over again. Eventually this becomes second nature and the uncomfortable sensations of truth speaking subside.
Learning Who You Are
Most codependents don’t know who they are in relationship. They lose themselves in connection.
They need to rediscover their personal truths and practice speaking these. This rediscovery comes when the codependent listens to their body. In pinpointing sensations and emotions within their bodies, they learn who they are. What they like, what they don’t like, where their boundaries are, when they’re self betraying and more.
This is all discovered through attuning to the physical sensations that arise. To heal codependents must learn “presence” (attunement to the body).
Speaking Their Truths
Once discovered, codependents must learn to speak their truths. This is hard. The codependent has learned to stuff, ignore or hide their truths to protect connections and relationships.
There is a primal fear that when their truth is spoken they will be rejected, that they will not be loved or liked.
When their truth is spoken, it also brings up uncomfortable sensations in the body.
Sitting With Sensations
A healing codependent must learn to sit with these uncomfortable sensations. Speaking truth and sitting with sensations that arise is the only way a codependent will heal.
Eventually these uncomfortable sensations subside. This takes time and repetition to heal and move forward. This is where a focused codependency group can be valuable – a safe place to practice.
Codependents & Anger
Must (not all) codependents are disconnected from their anger. This is not healthy and causes many problems.
As a child, it was smart. The little one needed to suppress this part of themselves for safety reasons and to ensure they were getting their needs met. You could not get mad with your primary caregivers, otherwise things might get – worse!
However, as an adult and without integrated anger, it is difficult to set personal boundaries or even know where your boundaries are. Many codependents find themselves consistently walked on.
Many codependents reject anger as bad and disown it. The integration of anger is important for the courage to speak truth, fighting for yourself and setting boundaries.
Step Making Bad Relationship Choices
Codependents have a habit of choosing narcissists, very wounded people or addicts as partners.
A few reasons for this ~ The codependent lacks a sense of self and the narcissist only has a sense of self (codependents are drawn to this). This also happens because the codependent is patterned to try saving their parents or caregivers. With this imprinting they have a unhealthy habit of picking partners to save.
Codependents, Vulnerability And Support
Many times codependents will be vulnerable at exactly the wrong time with the wrong person. This is because they have a belief and patterns around NOT being supported. This belief must be shifted. Once this belief is shifted the recovering codependent begins choosing healthy people to rely on, ensuring their emotional needs get met.
As children codependents learned very early that they could not rely on other people. Codependents have a hard time with vulnerability and trust. If they do trust someone, it will generally be the wrong person. This is the wound pattern (I won’t be supported) in play.
Codependents must practice reaching out for help, choosing the right people and sitting with uncomfortable sensations that arise with this vulnerability.
As a codependent heals they eventually begin reaching out to healthy and supportive people. This takes time, practice and understanding the pattern that is in play.
The wounds of codependency are best healed in a relational setting, where relationship skills are practiced – authenticity, vulnerability, etc. These group settings allow the skill-building necessary for recovery.
A codependency group provides this. A safe space to practice, receive feedback and speak your truth.
1-on-1 therapy work is valuable but it does not provide the real world, human to human setting that are most valuable. When you get to practice with real people, receive good feedback, in a safe setting – change comes quickly.
To Join The Group
You must first meet with me (This is free), then we can explore if we are a good fit.
The group meets weekly in Boulder, Colorado on Tuesday nights (6:30-8:30)
The cost is minimal – $200 per month. (About $46 per session)
The group is limited to 10 participants. (Contact me to see if space is available)
Jack (720) 275-2756