Codependency Cheat Sheet
Here are keys to healing
~ Codependents must develop “presence.” They must get into their bodies, feeling their sensations and emotions.
~ Codependents must stay connected to themselves. This connection let’s them know (through sensations and emotions) what situations and which people are safe regarding intimacy and vulnerability.
~ Codependents must develop their ability to sit with uncomfortable emotions/sensations. These need to be their primary sensations, the ones they avoided in childhood. (Codependent patterns are constructed to avoid these sensations/emotions)
~ Fear of survival
~ Fear of not getting needs met
~ Fear of no control
(All of these are primal and live at the level of life/death).
~ Codependents must learn who they are. Sitting with sensations and emotions let’s you know who you are (I am hungry, I am angry)
~ Speaking your truth while feeling the uncomfortable sensations and emotions which will arise. These uncomfortable sensations will eventually subside and disappear through repetition
~ Codependents must stop hiding who they are. They must stop hiding the guilt, shame and fears.
~ Codependents must integrate their anger. Without their anger setting good boundaries is almost impossible.
~ Codependents must develop their ability to set healthy boundaries. This is a muscle that takes practice and time to build.
~ Most codependents carry a secret childhood desire to heal their parents. This must be released or you will find yourself choosing partners who are wounded and trying to heal them.
~ As a codependent you must develop your narcissism. You must learn to put yourself first (at least sometimes)
When you can integrate all of these that relate to you, you become strong in who you are. You can set boundaries, you can say no, you can express your anger cleanly, you stop trying to save and fix other people. You learn the healthy skill of putting yourself first (As the airlines say: put your oxygen mask on first).
Healing Codependency Group
If you want to go deeper, a weekly group Healing Codependency is starting Tuesday August 14th. If you want to join, we will need to meet and see if it is a good fit both ways. This meeting is free. Contact me and we can set up a time.
This weekly event is reasonably priced, limited in group size. It will not be a fit for everyone, but many will get great help.
Codependency Group Details
Location: Central Boulder
Day: Tuesdays 6:30-8:30
Group size: 10
Cost: $160 per month ($200 per month when there are 5 Tuesdays)
I can probably help you. Reach out, let’s have a phone conversation and see if we are a good fit. You can contact me here