2 main reasons codependents choose terrible partners.
(Not all, but many)
Those with codependent patterns can choose terrible partners and do it over and over again. They chose narcissists and those in need of saving.
The reasons for this are embedded in the childhood wound.
Big reason #1: Narcissists
Those with codependent patterns had to give up who they were in childhood to meet the needs of others. They lost their unique self in the process. This is a terrible wound, but it is the intelligent decision by the child in order to ensure safety and getting needs met.
This loss of self, the main wound of codependency is HUGE. In the narcissist the codependent sees someone with a strong sense-of-self! (Overly strong as it turns out). But still, in a way, this is like medicine to the codependent, they are drawn like a moth to flame.
When codependents develop their own strong and healthy sense of self they will no longer be attracted to narcissists.
Reason #2: Needing to Save
Many with codependent patterns have a secret desire, it’s so powerful it’s almost a HUNGER. It’s the desire to save their parents. This can lurk deeply within them for decades. So, they act this out on partners, they choose partners who need saving.
But this is not about the partner, it never was, it’s about the desire to save mom and dad that lives within them!
Here’s the healing work for this one. They must accept that there was NOTHING they could do to save mom and dad and they must grieve their pain underneath this. Acceptance and grieving this can free them.
This is all completely overgeneralized because I wrote this for Facebook and nobody will read a dissertation.
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